A Series of Unfortunate Events

11:02 pm, 2/8/10

February 4th: Illinois Democrats learn that Scott Lee Cohen, their nominee for Lieutenant Governor, liked to cheat on his taxes, once got himself arrested for holding a knife to the throat of his prostitute girlfriend, and was being sued for tens of thousands of dollars of back child support. It's not like he can claim he didn't have the money, since he'd just blown millions of his own money on his primary race.

"I have no intention of stepping down or stepping aside. When the facts come to light, after my ex-wife and ex-girlfriend speak, the people of Illinois can decide, and I will listen to them directly," said Cohen. "I tried to tell everyone about this early on."

February 4th: As it turns out, Cohen really did try to everyone, informing Chicago Sun-Times reporter Mark Brown.

Let the record reflect that on the very day last March that Scott Lee Cohen announced his campaign for lieutenant governor of Illinois, he voluntarily disclosed he had once been arrested in what he described as a domestic battery case involving a live-in girlfriend.

The problem for Cohen was that he made his announcement to me, and I wasn't taking him very seriously.

How was I to know way back then that the Democratic voters of Illinois would be so dumb as to elect him, brainwashed by millions of dollars in advertising about his job fairs?

Given their prior track record, I don't know why Brown would expect anything else. Still, the audacity to blame voters for not knowing what he refused to report? Impressive.

February 4th: Cohen's ex-wife, Debra, who looks alarmingly like the current wife of "Dog" the Bounty Hunter, speaks, arguing that he's not really a bad guy: he only tried to rape her because of all the illegal steroids he was taking at the time. (This may not have been especially helpful, but maybe that was the script she had to read to finally get him to cough up the child support.)

February 5th: Cohen, apparently using the word differently than we do, declares that he is "not an embarrassment" to the Democratic Party.

February 7th: What may be the shortest-lived editorial in Chicago Tribune history, "Don't Forget, He Won", attempting to defend Cohen against the threats and intimidation drifting out of the Democratic Party machine, appears on the Tribune's website, then, purged, disappears down the memory hole.

February 7th: Cohen's ex-girlfriend decides it's time to help.

The ex-girlfriend who accused Democratic Lt. Governor nominee Scott Lee Cohen of threatening her with a knife said Saturday she "does not believe he is fit to hold any public office.''

February 7th: Cohen waits until the middle of the Super Bowl to quietly step aside.

Even for Chicago, known for weird political moments, Cohen's departure was odd. Cohen, who departed the race after it became public that he had once held a knife a prostitute ex-girlfriend's throat and had a history of using steroids, held a press conference. During Super Bowl halftime. In a bar. At a table. With his emotional son crying into his father's chest.

February 8th: The Chicago Tribune's Eric Zorn:

Maybe you didn't feel bad for Scott Lee Cohen on Sunday night when you saw him biting his lip and blubbering through his announcement that he was withdrawing as the Democratic Party's candidate for lieutenant governor.

He's not a sympathetic character in many ways. His past contains a greater than average number of unsavory episodes and allegations, and it was vain and foolish of him to invest more than $2 million of his own money imagining he could carry all that baggage across the finish line in November for a high state office.

Still. I felt a pang for the guy.

Frankly, I doubt that he's any less savory than anyone Michael Madigan will now appoint to the ticket. That person will just have made sure that none of it is in writing in a courthouse somewhere, awaiting a FOIA request from the Tribune.

If it hadn't been for Blair Hull's problems with cocaine and spousal abuse coming out before the primary, Barack Obama would've no doubt lost the Senate nomination, and if Jack Ryan's divorce allegations hadn't been held until after, it's probable Obama would've lost the race to the Republican, and remained in the shadows of American politics forever. Cohen might very well have been a relative paragon of public decency compared to some of the people that might be under consideration now, and it's interesting to wonder how different the race might already look had people taken notice of his arrest record just a few days earlier.

Audi, For One, Welcomes Our Environmentalist Overlords

11:22 am, 2/8/10

For the first 40 seconds of this Audi Super Bowl ad, I was amused at what appeared to be cruel satire of the Green movement.

Then, upon learning what the ad was for, and that it was apparently meant to be pro-Green, I found myself thoroughly confused: did the advertising team at Venables Bell & Partners really think that dystopian images of an environmentalist police state are the best way to get everybody excited about improving their gas mileage? The message here, it seems, is that Audi is approved by some sort of Green Gestapo with which we should eagerly comply, for fear of being dragged from our homes in the night.


Hah! Hah. Hah?

If that's supposed to make "being green feel so right", it's only in the sense that North Koreans must "feel so right" when they avoid the forced labor camps. The ad isn't just tonedeaf and creepy, it's so misguided that even the New York Times says it "puts the 'mental' in 'environmental'". No matter how many bonus points they may get for finding a way to make Cheap Trick vaguely terrifying, when even the NYT is mocking you for taking environmentalist agitprop too far, you've clearly crossed some sort of line.

When Will Ferrell did it, it was obvious parody, but Audi's ad is apparently meant to be taken somewhat seriously:

Every day consumers around the globe are faced with a myriad of decisions in their quest to become more environmentally responsible citizens....Now consumers have help, from the Green Police.

As part of the lead up to their third consecutive Super Bowl ad, Audi has created a fictional Green Police unit that are caricatures of today's "green movement". The Green Police are a humorous group of individuals that have joined forces in an effort to collectively help guide consumers to make the right decision when it comes to the environment. They're not here to judge, merely to guide these decisions.

Hopefully, the judge is still the one who will be there to judge, since everyone who rejects the "humorous...guidance" and decides "incorrectly" is promptly handcuffed and arrested, including the actual police. Sadly, one has to assume that the "Green Police" can't risk a proper trial given the overwhelming likelihood of jury nullification of these stupid "offenses", so maybe it's more of a Judge Dredd scenario, culminating in summary executions.


Audi continues the mighty struggle to explain this campaign:

Coincidentally, there are numerous real Green Police units globally that are furthering green practices and environmental issues.

Given the introduction we've just had to the concept, learning that it's really happening should make everybody feel better, right?

The green police are simply here to help provide answers to the tough environmental decisions we're faced with daily.

Their answers are just as tough as the decisions, slamming peoples' heads into counters and stuffing them into the back of electric squad cars, but don't worry! They're here to "help".

Update: Equally clueless, Grist writer David Roberts is still struggling to decode the message:

The thrill at the end, when they guy gets to accelerate away from the crowd, turns on satisfying the green police -- not rejecting or circumventing them, but satisfying their strict standards. The authority of the green police is taken for granted, never questioned. If you're looking to appeal to mooks who think the green police are full of it and have no authority, moral or otherwise, why would you make a commercial like that? Why offer escape from a moral dilemma your audience doesn't acknowledge exists?

The ad only makes sense if it's aimed at people who acknowledge the moral authority of the green police -- people who may find those obligations tiresome and constraining on occasion, who only fitfully meet them, who may be annoyed by sticklers and naggers, but who recognize that living more sustainably is in fact the moral thing to do.

Roberts, fulfilling the stereotype of the envirocultis, is apparently unaware that normal people can believe that a choice is morally right but simultaneously recognize that the idea of turning the force of the law on those who simply disagree can be offensive and evil. Who cares about their "moral authority"?

Jim Geraghty:

"I don't know if Audi's Super Bowl commercial, featuring a draconian and ruthless "Green Police" jailing citizens for making any choice that wasn't green, will sell a lot of cars. But I'll bet it sells a lot of copies of Liberal Fascism by Jonah Goldberg."

(Via Instapundit)

Update: Michelle Malkin:

Audi's bottom-line corporate message is that the Green State is here to stay and that capitulating to it - and capitalizing on it, as Audi has - is the path to survival.

Perhaps we should accuse corporations of "Green profiteering", or, perhaps more aptly, brand them as "collaborators".

The Dark Side of the RINO

1:02 am, 2/5/10

Plenty of people have made the joke about playing Carly Fiorina's surreal "Demon Sheep" ad to the music of Pink Floyd to see what would happen, but I don't think anybody thought that it would actually kind of work:


Do not watch this while high. I am pretty sure that you will freak. Completely. Out.

Given that the song, "Sheep", does seem to stay in time so perfectly, I have to assume that Fiorina's people really did put an awful lot of thought and effort into this, specifically intending the Pink Floyd angle, which makes it that much more unfortunate. This really did happen on purpose.

RedState calls the ad an "own goal of the first magnitude".

A tragic and avoidable self-beclowning...The key message to this ad is:

1. Don't use PCP and make political ads.
2. Gee I didn't see a message.
3. The Fiorina campaign is run by a bunch of tools.
4. Tom Campbell is more likely to spend your money than Fiorina.

The Corner's Maggie Gallagher wasn't sure what to think:

I think Carly Fiorina just put out an ad in which she tells voters: "I am the real sheep in this race."

The Fiorina campaign, on the other hand, seems to feel that the world has just failed to grasp their marketing genius:

Critics have suggested that sheep might not be the best metaphor for the ideal sort of Republican - since it typically connotes politicians who march, unthinkingly, in lockstep with their leaders. But [spokesman Julie] Soderlund says the naysayers have it wrong.

"The demon sheep at the end is meant to be a wolf in sheep's clothing," she said. "That's the whole point, that he's trying to pass himself off as a purist on fiscal matters while his record suggests the opposite."

If you have to explain it, it probably isn't working.

“I probably should’ve mentioned this during the primary, but…”

11:51 pm, 2/4/10

Where do they find these people? On Tuesday, Illinois Democrats turned out to choose wealthy pawnbroker Scott Lee Cohen as their candidate for Lieutenant Governor. Sure, organized crime ties are common enough in the pawnshop business, and the nature of the industry might raise some alarm with class-consciousness types, but, somehow, he was their man.

Imagine their surprise, then, to open the newspapers today and learn that Cohen is a former steroid user and tax evader who skipped out on $50,000 in child support and, perhaps trying to really build solid credentials for a future career as a Chicago Democrat, got himself arrested for holding a knife to the throat of his girlfriend, a prostitute.

Hilariously, there appears to be no known mechanism by which Illinois Democrats can force him out. Acting Governor Pat Quinn, who managed to edge out Comptroller Dan Hynes for the nomination by less than a single point, has asked Cohen to step aside, and Cohen has declined, complaining that he doesn't understand what the "whirlwind" is about and that he "tried to tell everyone about this early on."

I guess there was just never a good time, was there?

Update: Dan Curry, via Twitter:

Pat Quinn now wants sleaze running mate off ticket. Funny how he didn't feel that way in 2006.

Not "hah hah" funny, really.

The Pelosi Rule

10:10 pm, 2/4/10

The Department of Defense calls shenanigans on Nancy Pelosi.

No, you can not have a free ride home. No, you can't bring the kids.

While accepting their newly-acquired role as "shuttle service" for the Speaker of the House, the Department of Defense is attempting to draw a line in the sand regarding congressional transportation with an updated directive on DoD Support for Travel of Members and Employees of Congress. Some of the language in the newly-released regulation (dated 15 January, 2010 - the first update since 1964) appears to be the direct result of lessons learned in dealing with Nancy Pelosi.

Pelosi's overbearing and demanding expectations regarding military aircraft are well-documented, including in documents released last year by Judicial Watch.

In response to a series of requests for military aircraft, one Defense Department official wrote, "Any chance of politely querying [Pelosi's team] if they really intend to do all of these or are they just picking every weekend?...[T]here's no need to block every weekend 'just in case'..." The email also notes that Pelosi's office had, "a history of canceling many of their past requests."

One DOD official complained about the "hidden costs" associated with the speaker's last minute changes and cancellations. "We have...folks prepping the jets and crews driving in (not a short drive for some), cooking meals and preflighting the jets etc."

The documents also detail correspondence from intermediaries for Speaker Pelosi issuing demands for certain aircraft and expressing outrage when requested military planes were not available. "It is my understanding there are no G5s available for the House during the Memorial Day recess. This is totally unacceptable...The speaker will want to know where the planes are..." wrote Kay King, Director of the House Office of Interparliamentary Affairs.

Probably off doing Department of Defense things.

The jet trips often racked up liquor bills that would put a small cruise ship to shame and were also being requested to fly her grandchildren around. Small wonder that Pelosi believes "it shouldn't be that public officials have to watch their backs every moment".

Update: Heh:

So, if they freeze the military budget as Pelosi wants, will they still use military aviation as a personal airline & babysitting service?

I'd be happy if they just did away with the open bar.

Given that Jack Murtha apparently had no problem publicly threatening the Department of Defense over initial perceived resistance to Pelosi's demands, I'd be interested to know what, exactly, prompted this clarification of the rules.

Spain Super Serious

6:45 pm, 2/3/10

If you've been following the news in Europe at all, you've heard about Greece's debt problems and the ensuing crisis it's created for the European Union and, potentially, for the Euro currency itself.

With other weaker European economies in danger of following after Greece and fears growing that stronger European economies might be dragged in with them, Spain wanted to send a message.

Jose Luis Rodriguez Zapatero, Spain's prime minister, said in Davos this week: "We are a serious country and we will fulfil our promises."

Their plan for fulfilling those promises was to do the inevitable: rein in their fiscal policy and increase their retirement age, to 67. Predictably, workers are displeased, and it's now unclear whether Spain will be able to follow through. A Fistful of Euros:

Unfortunately, enthusiasm for the new-found seriousness doesn't seem to have lasted long, since this just morning (and only three days after that strong demonstration of will for change) the Spanish press inform us that Elena Salgado - faced with strike threats from the main trade union organisations - is having second thoughts, and is willing to be "flexible", since the proposal for pension reform, was only that, a proposal which is up for negotiation.

It was six years ago that European leaders admitted their dream of unseating the United States as the world's leading economic power was a Quixotic farce, and five years ago that the Central Intelligence Agency predicted that the European Union would collapse by 2020 without massive welfare entitlement reforms.

At every turn, those reforms have been foiled by riot-prone mobs who have no intention of working even a single additional moment to get their state-guaranteed benefits. Now that the short-sightedness is finally coming home to roost, it's going to be interesting to see how it plays out in the short-term, and, in fact, whether the European Union itself will survive the next decade.

Given widespread opposition in many European countries to surrendering their national sovereignty under a European Constitution and the apparent urgency felt by Eurocrats to consolidate their power, I wouldn't bet on it. The Lisbon Treaty, after all, only passed Ireland (the only country where they couldn't suppress a public referendum) after two attempts, and then only through fear and intimidation that cashed in on economic worries.

It was lashing with rain but that wasn't the full reason Paul Callaghan was finding it hard to muster up the enthusiasm to mark his X. "I'm here because I have a vote and, basically, I've been told what to do with it," he said gloomily as he stood outside one of Dublin's polling stations in O'Connell Street on Saturday afternoon. "I've no job and neither has my wife. Every time I turn on the television some politician tells me that only the EU can save this country now. I don't want to do it, I feel disloyal, but today I am voting yes. It isn't how I voted 16 months ago, but I've been left feeling I have no choice....We all have this horrible feeling that we will be made to do this referendum over and over again until we return the answer they want."

Veronica Meehan, who lost her job six months ago and the day before polling had queued outside the city's Marks & Spencer's store along with 699 other hopefuls vying for a part-time Christmas job, said she resented voting yes but felt she had no other choice. "...Part of me feels I have been brainwashed. That unless I vote yes and turn myself into a European the Irish economy will never be in the state to provide people like me with employment.

Siobhan Keenan, who had braved the now torrential rain, stood huddled in a doorway patiently waiting. Her concern, she said, was the loss of the ideal that Ireland has always held dear. "...I am voting yes, but I feel that I have been bullied into it. Ireland has always been proud of its independence. Today we are letting it slip away. Now we will be swamped in a wider Europe."

The final signatory, Czech President Vaclav Klaus, gave what may be the most openly disdainful signing speech in recent memory.

At some point, something is going to happen that pushes the wrong people over the wrong line, and resentment will probably build rather rapidly. The real question is whether Europeans will blame each other, falling back on traditional animosities, or direct their anger at the institutions of the European Union itself.

That’s an insult!

5:36 pm, 2/3/10

The Wall Street Journal recently reported that Rahm Emanuel, Obama's Chief of Staff, was unhappy with left wing Democrats who wanted to steamroll moderate Democrats and pass even more liberals policies than they already were:

"F---ing retarded," Mr. Emanuel scolded the group, according to several participants.

Emanuel, realizing the gravity of this remark, has apologized repeatedly.

To disability activists. Heh.

That Was Fast

5:16 pm, 2/3/10

Sadly, Illinois Republicans aren't getting Adam Andrzejewski for Governor, but, hilariously, Illinois Democrats are getting Alexi Giannoulias for Senate:


The police sirens are kind of a nice touch.

Giannoulias, interestingly, appears to have had no professional experience whatsoever aside from his work at his family's bank and a brief stint on a Greek basketball team, yet that was no obstacle to getting endorsed by Barack Obama for Illinois State Treasurer. That's apparently how far a few connections can take you in Chicago.

No significant professional achievements, a suspicious background full of shady characters, and a brief and unimpressive career in state government? Hey, it was enough to get Obama his Senate seat. Maybe Giannoulias can aim to run against him in the 2012 primary: he'll be just as qualified.

Getting a Rise

4:04 pm, 2/3/10

If you work in an environment that is frequently televised, you should probably not be looking at pornography. You'll end up on YouTube.

Media Bias Blinders…Activate!

4:43 pm, 2/2/10

Founding Bloggers on the apparent local media blackout of Lech Walesa's endorsement of Adam Andrzejewski for Governor of Illinois:

Last week, Nobel Laureate, Presidential Medal of Freedom winner, and former president of Poland, Lech Walesa, traveled to Chicago to endorse a political candidate for governor of Illinois.

Who he endorsed doesn't matter. The fact that he is here endorsing anyone at all should be considered newsworthy.

Unfortunately for Chicago residents, and the Polish community specifically, if you get your news from the city's local television stations, you might not have even known that he was in town, let alone that he attended a Tea Party, and endorsed Adam Andrzejewski for governor.

Don't worry, they're just fringe radicals! Nothing to see here. (Video at the link.)

The Word Is “Fear”

6:28 am, 2/2/10

Five things to watch in the Illinois primary.

Under normal circumstances, Democratic workers would be pulling out all the stops to grease the wheels for establishment candidates such as Quinn and Giannoulias. But with a Blagojevich trial scheduled for June, it's not entirely clear that the machine will be operating at peak efficiency.

"What's left of the machine is really fractured, not only impacting the governor's race but the Senate race. Frankly, workers are more afraid of going to jail," Kurth said.

Good.

Andrzejewski for Governor

12:05 am, 2/2/10

So it seems that Rush Limbaugh is pushing Adam Andrzejewski in Tuesday's Republican primary. Bruno Behrend at Extreme Wisdom has been a stalwart Andrzejewski supporter from day one, and had been trying to get me on board, but until the last few weeks, I hadn't been able to invest enough time in politics to make heads or tails out of the race.

However, the last week alone has been quite remarkable, in that Andrzejewski, an unknown running on an anti-corruption and limited government platform in a state where government is so bloated and chronically corrupt that it defies the comprehension of mortal men, has attracted the public endorsement of former Polish President and anti-Soviet freedom fighter Lech Walesa, rallying conservatives, libertarians, and the Polish community in Chicago, the world's largest outside of Poland.

Now, internal polling at the Andrzejewski campaign is said to suggest that he may be only a few points behind, and that was presumably prior to any much-needed exposure Limbaugh's endorsement will generate tomorrow.

I was remiss to not have found the time to give this race the attention it warranted months ago, but given the choice, Adrzejewski, though still an underdog, has a solid message for the times, for Illinois state government, and for an Illinois GOP desperately in need of new... well, new everything. I've spent years chronicling just some of the epic waste, criminality, and incompetence of Illinois state government (too much of it bipartisan) on this blog, and I hope Illinois readers will take tomorrow's opportunity to signal their disapproval.

Update: The Hill's John Feehery argues that the outcome will really be about Obama's budget.

All of these Illinois Republicans are campaigning on the long-term fiscal situation in this country. All of them are getting significant traction on the issue of out-of-control Washington spending. And all of them, should they win, will be faced with the tough choices that come with declining revenues and expanding interest payments.

President Barack Obama consciously invoked Abraham Lincoln's memory when he started his campaign in Springfield, Ill. The imagery was inspirational, and because Obama was our first very serious black presidential candidate, it was historically fitting.

But there was another Illinois politician who left a mark on our body politic who might serve as an inspiration to these young guns. Everett Dirksen was the one who said, "A billion here and a billion there, and pretty soon you are talking real money."

The Obama budget has hundreds of billions here and hundreds of billions there, and that budget is making the taxpayers very nervous. The next generation of Illinois leaders, led by Kirk, will have to deal with this spending spree for the rest of their political careers.

Yes, they will. In fact, as the Wall Street Journal notes, the ship of state is taking on water so fast that voters seem to have at least partially forgotten about Rod Blagojevich.

The race, which ends with Democratic and Republican primaries on Tuesday, has become a contest to convince voters who best can pull the state out of a financial ditch.

In the Democratic primary, current Gov. Patrick Quinn and Comptroller Daniel W. Hynes, who are roughly tied in recent polls, have battled over short-term borrowing to pay state bills. The Republican primary is a close race between former Illinois Attorney General Jim Ryan; state Sen. Kirk Dillard; and Andy McKenna, the former chairman of the state Republican Party.

The state budget deficit could exceed $11 billion. The pension fund is nearly $80 billion underfunded. Unemployment, at 10.8%, is among the worst in the country. Michigan, ground zero for the auto industry's collapse, is the only state with a higher ratio of residents leaving to those moving in over the past 12 months, according to a United Van Lines survey.

"Jobs, population growth, economic growth-it's all going in the wrong direction, and that was true before the downturn," Mr. McKenna says. "People blame weak leaders who allowed spending to get reckless."

Speaking of weak leaders who guided people right into a ditch, isn't that how a lot of people view McKenna's time at the helm of the Illinois GOP?

Has anyone brought him his machine gun yet?

11:11 pm, 2/1/10

Two years ago, I posted a story about Jacob Zuma, the ultra-corrupt "proud Zulu warrior" who, incredibly, seemed on course to take the reins as President of South Africa.

Supporters, able to put aside that his personal theme song was entitled "Bring Me My Machine Gun", that he could not stop singing it everywhere he went (including during his own trials and in the middle of sessions of parliament), and that he apparently liked to rape family friends as a hobby, sealed the deal last year. Zuma is now in charge, celebrating the birth of his 20th child.

His latest offspring, a girl, was reported on Sunday to have been born in October to Sonono Khoza, 39, the divorced daughter of Irvin Khoza, according to the country's Sunday Times newspaper. Mr Khoza is the chairman of the organising committee for the football World Cup finals to be held in South Africa later this year.

Mr Zuma, 67, is a proud Zulu traditionalist, and as well as his polygamy - he married his third current wife and fifth overall, Thobeka Madiba, earlier this month - he has had a number of children out of wedlock.

Mr. Khoza was reportedly not altogether thrilled with the news, but the family is now supposedly "excited" at the prospect of their daughter becoming Zuma's sixth wife.

Or seventh, depending on whether or not he marries his other fiancee first.

The Big Question

10:41 pm, 2/1/10

The Hill asks:

With a $1.27 trillion deficit projected by economists, will approving President Barack Obama's $3.8 trillion budget hurt Democrats in November?

Yes, but not nearly as much as it's going to hurt the rest of us. On the other hand, once the inflation hits, that may seem like a fairly trivial number.

In light of the iPod Mini, this is the iPod Maxi. Alternately, the Maxi Pad.

12:30 am, 1/28/10

After doing some reading about the new Apple iPad, I have to agree with the conclusions of Gizmodo's Adam Frucci. I'm obviously just not enough of a hipster to "get it".

I'm an iPhone owner, and I think the Fisher-Price interface and technical limitations are perfect for a handheld mobile device, particularly one that primarily functions as a phone. However, all they've done with the iPad is removed the phone, made it several times larger and heavier, and handed it back to the consumer. It seems like a toy, a gigantic, clumsy iPod Touch, and, as far as I can tell, little more.

You still can't view Flash on the web, so it's not really a web device. You can't multitask, so it's not a productivity device. It's too large to be a convenient PDA. It isn't a phone. The screen is improperly proportioned to be an ideal media viewer. So what is it supposed to be? If it can't actually replace the netbook in a user's briefcase or backpack, does that user really want yet another expensive gadget when it offers them the same limited connectivity as the phone in their pocket?